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Thursday, 21 April 2011

A to Z challenge... M & N = muscular neuropathy (try saying it quickly)

I've gone from one extreme to the other in my life. It's ten years since I was diagnosed with CMT and in that time I have gone from being a very disabled person to a person who doesn't have a disability. What do I mean by this bizzare statement, you might wonder?  Simply this: When I was first diagnosed I became a disabled person, I read everything I possibly could to do with the condition and then ended up living as a disabled person. My emotional well being took a real nose dive as a result of getting a diagnosis. You may think that's just unbelieveable but I lived like that for years.

The real me started to find itself again and I returned to study and did the one thing I had aways wanted to do; Get my degree! I studied business and really began to find my comfort zone.  Getting back out in the world again was great but it did highlight how different I was from other people. As a person who had had their confidence completely stripped away, I found this the hardest thing to deal with. I was young and didn't want to look like I had problems with my balance, energy levels and walking style. 
I found that business really was my "bag" and lots of ideas started coming my way with reagrds becoming my own boss. As I grew stronger in my mental health, I began to work more towards becoming my own boss, but instead of now being "disabled" I tried my very best to hide my disability, to never mention it. I tried to walk without bringing attention to myself and if I injured myself I would do my best to just get on with it and not seek medical help. I had gone from been enveloped in the condition to pretending it didn't exist.

Even until just last weekend I over worked, wore myself out and tried to be "normal" in my own strength and all along I was wearing myself out and not helping myself at all. So spending the weekend with a bunch of people who knew what it was like to be me was strangely empowering.  Almost every person in that room (and there were almost 200 of them) knew what it was like to have a muscular and neurological condition that is painful, exhausting, un-nerving!  So I came home having felt that for the whole weekend I was just me and I liked being me. It made me realise that I need to acknowledge that I have a muscular and neurological problem and  that means I get pain in my legs and hands, have weakness, and I do walk like I am a little tipsy and am not always safe on two feet BUT I'm me!

So here I am at a balanced point in my life finally after ten years I've found the middle of the road that acknowldges the problems without becoming the problems.  Now it's simply time to live my life as me!

If you would like to support the organisation that has helped me so much then you can simply donate to the organisations Kids Challenge. They'd really appreciate it!

1 comment:

  1. I have been following your blog and I love it, well done!

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    I’m also passing the rules for accepting this award:

    * Thank the person who gave you the award and link back to their site in your original post.
    * Tell us seven things about yourself.
    * Pass along the award to fifteen newly discovered bloggers (discovered by me anyway)
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